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Better Sex Life for Parents

by on 22/09/2013 4721

We’ve all been there before.

Everything was hectic at work and nothing is going right. Suddenly we get a text message from our spouse and it made our day better. We continued to send naughty text messages to each other, getting in the mood for what’s to come once we get home.

At dinner, we tease and laugh and maybe play a little footsie and seduce each other as we do the dishes. We take our time to freshen up before getting into bed with the expectation of what’s going to happen making us grin.

Then the baby cries.

It felt as though everything you had planned crumble to pieces right before your eyes. It’s frustrating, it’s turning you or your partner off and if you haven’t been intimate with your partner for quite some time, it can get a little annoying.

Not being able to have sex whenever the whim hits you is something almost every new parent quickly learn, and usually in a cruel way.

While it was possible to drop everything and make a beeline towards the bedroom (or anywhere, for that matter) before you have children, it may prove a little awkward now when the two of you have the sudden romantic feeling. What used to be an impulsive act is now something very scheduled.

But all is not lost.

There are many ways for you to explore in bringing back the romance and the fiery passion you once had even after having kids. The key is to never be discouraged and always allow room for, well, the unexpected.


The stress your body went through when delivering a baby, the sleepless nights that follows and getting back on your feet can push the idea of romance and intimacy to the farthest corner of your mind.

Here are some things you can do to improve your sex life after having a baby.

  • Talk About It – It is not uncommon for some women to feel a little awkward when talking about sex to their husbands. As much as wives trust their husbands with their lives, to openly talk about sex can be a little unnerving. A husband needs to know what his wife is feeling and going through. You may feel you need to agree to your husband when he’s in the mood when all you want is to sleep. He needs to know this. He needs to understand what your emotions are as the fact of having a child now may be different from what he is feeling.


  • Be 16 Again – Always remind yourself of the butterflies in your stomach that you got when the two of you were courting and dating. Remember how you always send him cute notes or SMS whenever you think about him. You can leave handwritten notes in his briefcase or shirt pocket, you can place a Post-It on the dresser mirror while he’s in the shower so he’ll see it when he gets ready to work. It can go a long way when you do this again, especially after few years of marriage and you’ve stopped sending him cute messages. It may not lead to sex at the end of the day, but when he knows that you’re thinking about him and that he can still make you blush, it can definitely increase your chances.


  • Shower Together – If you have time to take a shower, then you definitely can make it a twosome affair. If you don’t have anyone to look after the children while the two of you sneaked into the bathroom, take a shower when the kids are napping. Even if it means you just had a shower not three hours ago. You can take time to help your husband shave or he can shampoo your hair and give you a back massage. Talk and laugh in the shower, while kissing or caressing each other. It’s important to feel close and connected to each other amidst busy schedule.



She may be your wife of 6 years but sometimes you feel you still don’t get her. Women can be flighty as she is adamant. Just when you thought she’s in the mood, she turns around and says she wants to sleep.

Try these tips to keep the fire burning.

  • Get Her Flowers – You may think this is cliché but women love surprises, especially if you haven’t got her anything since you first started dating. It doesn’t have to be a huge bouquet. A few roses, or small bouquet of daisies that she can place on the dining table will cheer her up. Don’t get her flowers when you’re in the mood for sex because chances are she’s able to tell after a few times. Get her flowers just because and if the mood is right, then the two of you can take things further.


  • Compliment Her – Many women feel unattractive after having a baby, especially the first few months. The exhaustion and demand of taking care of a newborn can definitely leave her feeling haggard. Assure her that she looks great and notice when she wears something nice or when she puts on a little make up. She may not have the same figure before having a baby but she needs to know it from you that she is loved just the same.


  • Redefine Sex – Sex doesn’t always have to be penetrative sex. While making love is important in a marriage, it is also important to always show affection towards each other. There is so much more that can be done than just physical love. Hug your wife from behind as he is doing the dishes, stop and kiss her as you passed each other in the hallway, grope her playfully as she goes into the shower or when you’re in bed, cuddle and kiss as you fall asleep in each other’s arms. Make her know that sometimes, men really just want to cuddle too.


It may take some time to get used to being lovers again after becoming parents. But remember the love you have for each other and always try to make time for each other. It usually takes about 12 – 18 months before normal sex life can resume but along the way, you’ll learn to take advantage of any opportunity you get.

And if the next time the baby cries when the two of you are getting in the mood, laugh about it and put the baby back to sleep.