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Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Tired!

by on 20/11/2013 4602

“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~Lori Deschene

I honestly do not know when all that “supermom” title nonsense started but somewhere, somehow, society has lead moms everywhere to believe that being a Supermom is something we should all strive to achieve. Perhaps we have seen our own mothers, bearing their pain in silence and no matter how difficult things get, they prefer to bear it on their own then to be seen as vulnerable and ask for help.

I can understand the need to be seen as self-sufficient, the woman that can do it all and have it all. But I also know that no woman is an island and what we do affects others. Being a mom is no easy task, if you are tired and overworked, you temper becomes short and it will ultimately affect the way you parent. Sometimes you have to choose between an immaculately clean house, or spending more time with your kids.

Sometimes I see moms, even when they are at the verge of collapsing from a cold or flu, they still drag themselves out of bed and make breakfast and lunch and see that their kids get to school and then do the laundry and grocery.

STOP IT!!! You have to take care of yourselves before you can take care of others. Sometimes you have to make choices and sacrifices. So what if little Peng Peng has to bring store bought cupcakes to school instead of your famous banana nut bread. Nothing bad is going to happen. So what if your husband cooked instant noodles for dinner and not the “healthy” dinner you had initially planned. It’s only for a few days while you recover.

Remember, moms, there is no shame in asking for help. In fact, you are a much stronger person when you understand who you are and what you are capable or not capable of.

Here are some tips on how to ask for help and not feel inferior. We all need help at some point in our lives.

1.     Repeat after me, “I am not Super Wife or Super Mom”

Admit and realize what you are not capable of, if you are down with a high fever, or maybe you are pregnant, you cannot possibly clean the whole house, make a gourmet dinner and then sew your child’s concert costume all in a day. Do not use the “If I don’t do it no one else will” excuse because there is always someone you can ask for help from. Even your own child as young as ages 1 – 2 can help by picking up their own toys.

2.     Eat some humble pie.

Swallow your pride. So what if your friends come over and they see some dirty dishes stacked in your sink. You are human; if you are sick you cannot possible keep the house all spic and span. No one expects that of you either.

3.     Open your mouth and ask

If you are a new mother, or if you have fallen sick and cannot cook dinner for your family, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Ask for help from your friends. Pick up the phone and get your spouse or partner to buy dinner home or get a friend to pick up your child from school.

I know society has trained us to believe that mothers are super women and that they are capable of everything and anything. Mothers are also brainwashed to believe that in order to be good mothers they have to be selfless, be of service to others and put their trouble aside. No doubt those are good things to be but mothers need to learn how to be receivers too, not just givers.

When mothers learn how to receive help they are also teaching their child/children humility. Being humble enough to know what they can and cannot do. It is strength, not a weakness when someone asks for help. Take a moment and think about this, if your child ever needs help, do you prefer them to not ask and suffer in silence? If your answer is “No” then you should hold yourself to the same “practice”.

Mothers be KIND to yourselves. You are important to your family.


About the Author

Kopi Soh has a MA in Psychology, Specializing in Marriage, Family and Child Counseling. Her area of specialty is in working with children, adolescents, couples and families. She is also an artist and has published two self-help best sellers distributed by MPH, available in all bookstores throughout Malaysia.