Raising a child comes with a unique set of challenges in this day and age. In between juggling a career, family and social life, what social life, you are set worrying about your children’s safety, health, social-emotional state, and generally, raising good kids. Every parent wants to impart to their children positive values like honesty, generosity, gratitude, trustworthiness, responsibility and respectfulness. Although certain traits are inborn, others can be nurtured. Of course, they take patience, practice and gentle reinforcement. While most schools are structured to emphasize on the building blocks of character development, good character attributes do not come from the classroom alone. They develop through an interplay of school, family and community influences. Try these parenting strategies in character building and see your children grow into well-adjusted individuals.
01. Model Good Behaviour
Children learn from their environment, so do practice what you preach. They pick up behaviours and values from watching how other people behave, going through their own experiences and having conversations with others. It is important to be a living example of strong morals. Every time you say “please” or help someone in need, you are modelling the behaviour you want to encourage. Try to act correspondingly to “How would I want my children to behave?”. For the young ones, guide them with the golden living rule – “Treat others as you want to be treated”.
02. Learn from Literature and Life Stories
Using storytelling to teach right conduct is not only effective but also entertaining. The simplicity and colourful illustrations in children’s books help them remember fundamental values with ease. If you are looking for wonderful stories with a local touch, “Timeless Tales of Malaysia” by Tutu Dutta features a great selection of short folktales ingrained with important values. Telling stories of your life will also convey lessons of ethics and virtues. Listening and giving feedback to the stories that your children tell you about their school experiences and interactions with peers can guide them through their quandaries.
03. Recognize Everyday Experiences as Teachable Moments
Capitalize on daily encounters such as a forgotten homework assignment or a gift to a homeless man to offer wise words on valuable life lessons. Reflect on behaviours and explain gently about a mistaken choice when you correct your child on the experience: “Why was that the wrong thing to do? What should you do if that happens again?” Hold the child accountable for their mistakes. For example, taking a packet of crisps from the supermarket is a dishonest act. So, let’s head back together and pay for it. This should help the child recognize what is acceptably right or wrong and learn how to make it right the next time.
04. Learning Through Doing
The most effective way to make good values stick is to learn through doing. Stand aside and try to resist the urge to step in and spoon-feed the child, instead lead through guidance.
Learn: Responsibility
Assign age appropriate household chores to children. It can be simple tasks such as bringing their tableware to the sink after meals, picking up dirty laundry and making a sandwich for their younger sibling. Chores can help children learn to assume responsibility and feel like they are contributing to the household.
Learn: Kindness
Teach children to be givers of kindness with acts like holding the door for someone, compliment a friend or bake cookies for the homeless. Try to volunteer or introduce children to charitable giving at around 3 to 4 years of age. Learning about helping others is a great way to show empathy and compassion, as well as teach philanthropic values.
Charities and organizations that you could consider volunteering at or donating to include:
Shepherd Centre Foundation is a home providing foster care to neglected and underprivileged children.
PAWS Animal Welfare Society provides temporary shelter and care to abandoned cats and dogs who are in search of a permanent home.
PERTIWI Soup Kitchen provides humanitarian food aid to the homeless and poor.
Learn: Grit
Helicopter parenting has given rise to a generation of children lacking the strength, character and drive to succeed. Although it is a common believe that children learn through failed attempts and failure helps them build resilience. However, it is important to provide them with the necessary tools to stimulate growth and excavate deeper into creative solutions during the journey of exploring the potentials. Let your child learn to lead themselves first with the knowledge, tools and resources to master emotions and manage thoughts at HANKidz Academy. These tools are key to helping them foster a strong sense of self-esteem, courage and grit to face future life challenges.
Learn: Respect
Build an atmosphere of respect at home, one that teaches children to act and speak with reverence and consideration. As a parent, you hold the most influence over your children. So, it is important to model respectful behaviour with each other, and avoid bad-mouthing, labelling and criticizing. To maintain an environment of mutual respect, boundaries need to be established. Children should know values like knocking before entering someone’s room, not calling their grandparents by their first names and it is not alright to go through an adult’s bag without permission.
05. Remain Steadfast in the Pursuit of Raising a Good-natured Child
Internalizing a good set of character values in children is difficult, but the challenges it poses are not insurmountable. You will have to persevere with your goal of seeing your child grow up with a strong foundation of morality. When you have an undying commitment to achieve this goal, any setbacks are just merely speed humps instead of stop signs. Over time, the guidance you provide to coach your kids to handle different situations will help them develop self-regulation skills. Eventually, by emulating the moral actions of others, children will learn to act in those ways themselves, even when no one is watching.
